I managed to catch a rerun of Oprah Winfrey show on 'Stop Living a Lie', or something along that line, advocating people to be true to themselves and SHOW UP, not as a Pretender or an Imposter, but as their true AUTHENTIC selves in any relationship, be it at the workplace, social or familial setting.
The operative word here is BEING your own REAL self, not HAVING what you think will DRAW people to you, or make them LOVE you, unless it's shallow and materialistic people that you intend to attract in the first place.
Like I've said in a text message before, and I will say it again and again:
"CRUDE STYLE BEGETS CRUDE GALS!"
Ms Winfrey and her guests went on to relate how most people, especially women, would inextricably link self identity and self image with what we HAVE (usually a 'catch' in the guise of successful boyfriends, trophy husbands, rich SugarDaddies or even brilliant Mentors who will make us the envy of every woman in our social or professional circle, 'cos they are often regarded as the Express/TAG Lane or PASSPORTS, not only to overseas trips, but to palatial homes, chauffeur-driven cars, a life of leisure, that framed degree/s on our walls, and the promotions thereafter), and not for who we ARE - unique and special in our own right and capable of achieving our personal or professional goals through our own efforts.
Now, most of my female relatives and friends, not just the home makers but the professionals as well, subscribe to this very ILLUSION that every woman's dream is to be a Datin or a Tai-tai, with a walk-in wardrobe of designer clothes, bags, shoes and jewelleries to captivate the crowd during that 'Red Carpet Moment', and similar shallow and superficial pursuits.
Now don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my share of superficial socialising and fine dining with high society, but I derive REAL satisfaction and pleasure from being recognised for my academic work at conference circuits and other public forums.
I remembered well an awful spat between me and a female relative who retorted that:
"You're jealous of me because you HAVE nothing!"
And my knee-jerk reaction was:
"Why should I be? You ARE nothing! (i.e., without the honorific title, expensive clothes, jewelleries, cars, etc., courtesy of her husband)"
And that was the last we spoke to one another.
In fact, having witnessed and felt the resounding VOID in her life made me, consciously or unconsciously, AVOID falling into that tempting trap of being the Mentee who had to walk several steps behind her world-renown Mentor, Patron, or whatchamacallit!
And, of course, it will take me forever to finish my doctoral dissertation without a benefactor, but hey, it's the journey and not the destination that matters.
In any case, what do you think will happen when two supposedly mature and sophisticated adults SHOW UP, over and over again, as shy, awkward and self-conscious people?
The answer is, NOTHING.
What are the reasons for the NON-EVENT?
Will they ever make things HAPPEN between them?
Well, for starters:
Think about how it feels to be the other person.
What they need to feel good.
Remember, there's almost a fifty-fifty chance that they feel shy too.
Put yourself in their shoes and do what you think it would take to make them feel good.
That's not phoniness, that's kindness.
And try to extend that kindness by going the extra mile to her TURF and respect her TERMS, to make her feel good and comfortable.
STOP 'dragging' her down to the same level as opportunistic, materialistic and mindless 'kiddos' by compelling her to compete with 'budak-budak hingusan' (wet behind their waxed ears neophytes, WHAT AN INSULT!) - that will NEVER, ever work since her values are opposed to theirs, or perhaps yours, for that matter.
She can't show up as desperate and needy, when the REAL self prided in self-reliance.
So, SweetHeart, either settle for CLONES in your own IMAGE, or you just gotta change that APPROACH! You may be an arrogant bloke, but certainly no DUMMY! Don't just SHOW UP, OWN UP to your actions! STOP hiding behind plate numbers, heavily tinted wind shields, mute runners, balaccis, etc., etc!!!
And here's Missy Elliot to drive the point home:
2 comments:
Salam...
melompat dari cgopd...
..love reading your blog...very nice..
Salam, tqvm, blog just for fun; do u blog too?
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