Talk about a girl's prerogative to change her mind. Since no woman is an island (well, not for very long spells), I have no choice but to 'reconnect' with the world at large once again. Perhaps when I've made my millions, I can afford to retreat into my Garbo mystique.
So, what started as an exercise in pure, unadulterated self-indugence - 'A Maverick's Notebook' - which suddenly metamorphosed into a socially embracing 'Bicara Communicare', is attempting to find its central focal point. Besides, I am working at designing a website for 'Bicara' and separating the wheat from the chaff, that is the 'no-nonsense' from the 'yes-nonsense'. And to mark "the crumbling of the Rock" and "the thawing of the Iceberg", I have finally decided to come out of the closet, not to coyly hide behind a thinly veiled anonymity, and viola, to reveal my true identity. An attempt at deconstruction? Maybe.
So, N Notes will be the conscious, unconscious and subconscious blathering or babbling of 'queenn' Noor ('the Light'), not of the Hashemite Dynasty, but of the Badarudin ibni Yusof ibni Shahabudin lineage, otherwise known as 'QueenB' - Baiti as in 'My House'; also known as Bet among close friends and family members.
Since I'm in my sociable mood, I would also like to give credit to my fellow sisters (in the entertainment industry) for shedding light on "the importance of being earnest", that is "being true to one self, not to live a lie" (there she goes again, with that 'authenticity' bit; although being the sometime irreverent and defiant social misfit or social critique (from whichever angle you choose to view it), I will surely fail in the Social Intelligence - SI - test, which is the fad right now).
I'll get back track on track with life's lessons from "Women of Rock" (Rolling Stone, Dec 1997), namely Courtney, Tina and Madonna but also Cher, Blondie, Linda, Mariah and all those rockin' sisters from the 1960s to the 19990s. Like, who held the fort after Coban decided to blow out his brains, who "took off with 36 cents and a Mobil credit card", who "turned down a blow job for a record deal", who was told that "America will hate you", who was "outcheesing the a--h---s", so on and so forth?
Which somehow brought me to Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov (i.e. the strong and independent variety, not the backbiting, back-stabbing type). By now, you could tell that the cliched "changing mindset" is my cause celebre, my life struggle that I paid dearly for, that got me to be booed at an etiquette class (Why the excessive emphasis on women to be refined when men are allowed to be brutes?) but later selected as The Model of Feminine Finesse, and attracted the longest line for "the person with the least attractive character traits" in a self-help class (Don't hate me coz I'm beautiful, hahah, and dare to be different; and just what kind of exercise in straitjacketing is that?), and other costly consequences that are still too painful to disclose.
Since the topic has shifted to love (Love is All U Need - Beatles), I think Ms Turner best sums up my emotions:
Whats Love Got To Do With It
you must understand
though the touch of your hand
makes my pulse react
that it's only the thrill
of boy meeting girl
opposites attract
its physical
only logical
you must try to ignore
that it means more than that
chorus
what's love got to do got to do with it
what's love but a second emotion
what's love got to do got to do with it
who needs a heart when a heart can be broken
it may seem to you
that i'm acting confused
when you're close to me
if i tend to look dazed
i read it some place
i've got cause to be
there's a name for it
there's a phrase fits
but whatever the reason
you do it for me
repeat chorus
i've been taking on a new direction
and i have to say
i've been thinking 'bout my own protection
it scares me to feel this way
chorus
what's love got to do got to do with it
what's love but a sweet old fashioned notion
what's love got to do got to do with it
who needs a heart when a heart can be broken
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world" - Lucille Ball
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