Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Code Schmode, Burnt Stubborn, Culture Schmulture

Maybe I've not been taking my EXCEL pack, or going to the gym, or it could be just a phase, or my time is almost up, but I'm really weary these last few months.
So, I'm 'feverishly' noting my understanding of events and others and making myself understood.
Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest
If the whole world is speaking in codes except me, does it make me dumb or stubborn?
And if I'm dumb, since I expect others to be straight forward like me, then who's dumber, and dumbest? Someone who focus on what he don't want and reward crude materialism? Or someone who'd rather cut his nose to spite his face and be miserable rather than be upfront?
U could have stayed and adjusted to life with me , knowing my responsibilities, but u chose to swipe ur plastic and bust ur savings, while waiting for me to be 'creative' and make a 'request'.
And u could have thrown that shroud of mystery knowing that I'm blur, but had to resort to second guessing, getting even, and staging a protracted 'show-but-no-tell' tableau, which drove me round the bend and to 'desperation' trying to unravel the 'mystery'.
Now that the tears have subsided, I'm not sure whether to feel sorry for myself or all of us - for the wasted years and chances, the miss(ed)-communication, the meanness, and the loneliness. However, the solitude had been good for my soul - to pray to Allah, to care for my mother, to be always there for ISA and NIA, and to gain knowledge about myself, humanity and the universe. And as my mursyid had advised me - don't complain, that it's temporary, just accept it as a test, and consider myself lucky that Allah wants me to have an easy life. Yes, there is poetic justice, sacrifices will be rewarded - not on credit, but cash basis, and not just monetarily, but spiritually as well. So I will bear no grudges, no bitterness, no hard feelings, just grateful for all the revelations that unfolded before me; just be alert, sensitive, practice self-confidence and consistency.
Past Imperfect, Present Tense
All the 'brouhaha' over Lady Heather Mills' colorful past just proves that women are women's worst enemies. With former 'madam' and 'fellow' call-girls lining up to 'tell-all' about her 'activities' as a young and impressionable woman, while not censuring the wealthy Arab patrons and clients in the so-called 'scandal', once again underscored the double standards in male-female power dynamics. And, Sir Paul, I thought 'All You Need Is Love' or 'Can't Buy Me Love'?

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