If the Media is indeed the extension of Men, as McLuhan claimed in the heady sixties, then the argument follows that the Malay media is indeed the extension of Malay men. What has been "the issue" in the Malay press lately?
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ISU: PERKAHWINAN MISYAR
Syor benarkan lelaki mengamalkan perkahwinan misyar
Oleh: WAN MOHD. HAFIZ WAN HAMZAH
KUALA LUMPUR 24 Mei - Seorang pensyarah universiti hari ini mencadangkan supaya kaum lelaki dibenarkan mengamalkan perkahwinan misyar bagi mengatasi masalah ramai wanita tidak berkahwin.
Malah menurut Pensyarah Akademi Pengajian Islam Universiti Malaya, Prof. Datuk Dr. Mahmud Zuhdi Abdul Majid, perkahwinan tersebut juga mampu mengurangkan perlakuan maksiat di dalam masyarakat.
Perkahwinan misyar bermaksud, suami tidak perlu memikul tanggungjawab memberi nafkah zahir seperti wang ringgit dan pakaian, tetapi cukup hanya dengan memenuhi nafkah batin terhadap isteri.
Perkahwinan seumpama ini banyak berlaku di kalangan wanita yang berkedudukan tinggi dan berpendapatan lumayan di negara-negara Arab.
Beberapa ulama termasuk Dr. Yusuf al-Qaradawi dalam Fatwa Muasaraahnya berpendapat nikah misyar adalah sah.
Mereka membenarkan amalan tersebut berdasarkan situasi mashalahat berlakunya ramai janda dan gadis yang tidak berkahwin.
Perkahwinan misyar difatwakan harus oleh beberapa ulama negara Arab dan telah pun diamalkan di Arab Saudi serta beberapa buah negara Teluk.
Perbezaan antara perkahwinan misyar dengan mutaah ialah mutaah mempunyai tarikh atau tempoh tertentu bagi sesebuah perkahwinan manakala misyar tiada tempoh ditetapkan.
Isu nikah misyar mula menjadi tumpuan apabila beberapa pihak menggesa supaya Majlis Fatwa mengeluarkan fatwa sama ada ia boleh dilaksanakan di negara ini atau tidak.
Ini kerana ada umat Islam di Malaysia yang berpendapat bahawa pernikahan tersebut merupakan salah satu cara bagi mengatasi masalah ramai wanita yang belum berkahwin.
Mahmud Zuhdi berkata, amalan perkahwinan misyar boleh dilaksanakan jika mendapat persetujuan daripada kedua-dua belah pihak.
``Jika pihak isteri bersetuju bahawa lelaki tidak perlu memberi nafkah zahir seperti menyediakan rumah, pakaian dan sebagainya, tetapi hanya bertanggungjawab terhadap nafkah batin saja, maka ia tidak menjadi masalah,'' tegasnya.
Apa yang menjadi masalah kata beliau, apabila timbul pertikaian berhubung siapa yang bertanggungjawab memberi nafkah dalam rumahtangga.
``Sekiranya tidak timbul soal siapa yang patut memberi nafkah atau siapa yang patut menanggung siapa, maka perkahwinan seperti itu tidak ada masalah untuk diamalkan.
``Apatah lagi dalam keadaan hari ini, wujudnya masalah ramai janda dan gadis yang tidak berkahwin,'' jelas beliau.
Bagaimanapun, katanya perkahwinan ini harus dilakukan secara jujur dan tidak disalahgunakan bagi menganiaya kaum wanita.
SENYUM KAMBING, UTUSAN MALAYSIA, 7 JUN 2006
Another supposedly light banter on the reason why contemporary women are reluctant to tie the knot: "Lelaki tak berkualiti atau wanita bermasalah?"
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I resisted broaching this issue when a friend and former colleague suggested that I write about it some weekends ago. To me, like living arrangements and other issues, financial management in a relationship or marriage is a personal issue that should be negotiated between two consenting adults or respective partners, according to their comfort levels. But to impose a ruling as the 'solution' to the 'women problem' just made me gasp for (fresh) air.
For someone who prides herself as an uncompromising feminist (and feminists are not supposed to have a sense of humour, by the way, only 'dumb blondes and docile types' have that privilege) who likes to see herself as an equal partner (maybe that's the reason why I'm more often than not without a partner), reading the Malay papers just make my blood boil. First, it's always the woman's problem if she's not married; secondly, she should be grateful if there's a man who is generous enough to provide 'nafkah batin' (soul sustenance, if that's the apt equivalent); and thirdly, the 'solution' to the problem is so simplistic that it makes marriage counselors redundant.
Although the statistics show that the ratio number of males for every 100 females (Department of Statistics, 2000 survey, NST, 12/02/06, F4) for Never-Married Population Age 15 and Above always exceed the latter, it is conveniently ignored by the mainstream Malay press. And it's always "masalah ramai janda dan gadis yang tidak berkahwin" (the problem of many unmarried girls and divorcees), not "masalah ramai duda dan teruna yang juga tidak berkahwin" (the problem of also unwed men). The point is - the blame is squarely placed on the women if she's not married, if she walked out of her marriage, or if her husband left her - never, ever the man's fault because a woman should know how to catch and keep her man or, like a precious commodity, he will be stolen right under your very nose! Once again, conveniently, the man is not the strong and wise head of the family, or pillar of society, but a weak and helpless creature that needs guidance and care.
As NIA said to me this morning as I drove her to JW for her trip to CH: "Don't whine, just hold your tongue, and grit your teeth, if you choose to be with a man", or you could focus on a well-paying and fulfilling career and settle for disposable DIY tools for company! Which, I suspect, what many "janda dan gadis" are investing their time and money on that caused this "problem" in the first place!
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On a lighter note, watched Poseiden at MV TGV last nite; not as moving as Titanic due to emphasis on action rather than story, but worth watching if just for Josh Lucas (and Emmy Rossum for guys) as eye candy! A sight for sore eyes indeed after turning off the waterworks just before the show - why, oh, why do we waste 10 yrs of our lives just over style and approach? Why is it so hard for me to walk over and for him to speak to me?
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