I didn't understand when JKS used to write that "the decisions were made elsewhere". But now I think it's immature, manipulative and passive-aggressive to lay the blame on someone else for the decisions you made. As Canfield preached: "You're 100% responsible for your actions". And if my actions, or non-actions, have unintended consequences, that's beyond my control, especially if the observer's surveillance is flawed, or if my circumstances and responsibilities were not conducive to privacy and intimacy then.
Yet I do not want to dwell on the past - it's simply too painful, though there were moments that I treasure and precious lessons that I learnt - I believe that hope springs eternal and the best is still waiting to happen. I want to, and I can, improve my main weakness - people's skills or social intelligence - be alert and sensitive, calm my fears about inadequacy, propriety, intimacy and commitment, be focused and decisive, and make myself clear.
At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for his/her own happiness. If I had unintentionally caused heartache to others, I seek forgiveness for my indecisiveness and indiscretions. I will certainly be more circumspect in my speech and act from here on.
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