Father Figure/Oedipal Complex

I read bits and pieces of Farish Noor's From Majapahit to Putrajaya and was struck by his disclosure about his relationship with his late 'absentee' father. Indeed, there will always be fathers from all cultures, social classes and historical contexts who are 'not there', either physically or emotionally. And this will definitely impact on their children's development and interactions in different ways- searching for 'father figures', withdrawing from intimacy and commitment, yearning for the distant and unattainable and resisting the available and close-at-hand/within reach.

To be fair, 'mother figures' too affect their children's perceptions about gender roles and relationships,opting for the traditional submissive-dominant or manipulative-beleagured pattern or the non-traditional independent path, depending on options and opportunities that are available to them. Notice how men too search for the Ideal Woman who somehow resemble their mothers, either in terms of looks, personality or character. Or they may be so repelled that they settle for just the opposite.

The point is: to come to terms, accept, understand and forgive, so as not to live in the past (or be the proverbial 'Hangman' who is too paralysed/petrified to make a move/decision).

Shakespearean tragedy such as Hamlet is a classic case: "To be or not to be", the indecisiveness that drove Ophelia insane and eventually to her death. Sometimes, male and female 'Hamlet's are so familiar or comfortable with their adversities that they think they dont deserve to be happy. Or if the prospect of success or happiness invites too many objections or obstacles, hallenges and hostilities, they would rather allow 'victory' to their opponents and accept 'defeat' and retreat or simply wish to be left alone.

Mama Shima (Hashimah Ismail), a mother figure of sorts during my umrah some years ago, pointed to 'Ayat 4 & 5' from 'Surah Yusuf' that I found comfort and solace in. That explains why so many individuals have to 'migrate' and distance themselves so as to fulfil their destinies (Ayo, my england sometimes very bad one, u know - PCK)