Self-Doubt's Self-Perpetuating Cycle

Salaam, this is a new year's greeting that I'd like to share:

Like birds, let's leave behind what we don't need to carry ...

Grudges
Sadness
Pain
Fear
and Regrets.

Fly light. Life is Beautiful.

Bet's Bites:

"Every girl's a princess, every woman's a queen"*

*(And if we bother to dig deeper, every family tree leads to a monarchy, but as Rhett Butler, from Gone With the Wind, said it well: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn)

Pride & Prejudice:

Now, Ms Elizabeth Bennett is one feisty Austen heroine who strongly believes in speaking her mind, and let it be damned. But those were the good old days, when guys were 'gentlemen' who have the courage to propose in person, get down on their knees, and inform the parents. No point reminiscing the good old days; you've come a long way, baby (or haven't you?)

Of Pets (& Peeves):

After having two female felines - Elsa and Peep - I noticed that cats' behavior is also gender-bound. Pip used to snuggle up and put her head on my lap to be pet but her son, Spike, will only roll over at a distant spot and expects me to go over to stroke his tummy. Then again, it could be order in the family - Pip is the baby (I gave her two rambunctious siblings away) while Spike is the middle kit (his adventurous baby sis, Patch, was run over at 3 mths, and his extremely handsome and brooding bro, Whitey, a cat version of James Dean, was knocked down by a vehicle seconds before I reached home). Of cos, we've read psych stuff that tells us that behaviour is determined by family ranking; the eldest is usually domineering and focused while the youngest is playful and easily distracted. So, do opposites attract or repel?

Self-Improvement Corner:

"Developing confidence is not a matter of knowing that you can make yourself into a better person. It is a matter of allowing yourself to be who you are. Fully and freely".

I found this gem of a workbook, not a recent title but valuable nevertheless,
Ending the Struggle Against Youself: A Workbook for Developing Deep Confidence and Self-Acceptance (Stan Taubman, 1994).

Taubman offers a critique of self-help programs:

"Unfortunately ... some people attempt to conquer self-doubt in a way that only made things worse. ... they are lured by programs that promise unlimited power or a life without fear, guilt, or other unpleasant feelings. When they fail to reach a state of incredible perfection, they take that as just another sign of something wrong deep within.

"Others are distracted by the quick fix. They try to overcome self-doubt by learning how to dress for success, how to give a power handshake, impress the boss, or win friends and influence people. They learn to master the seven secrets to success or the five fundamentals of fame and fortune. One by one they take on each presumed flaw while bypassing the iceberg whose cold sense of fundamental inadequacy hides beneath the surface. ... Others avoid both the tip and the iceberg by retreating into a world of drugs or obsessive romance. These people will always sense that something's wrong. There will always be a part of themselves they want to be rid of."

Which reminds me of "Addicted to Love" (Meg Ryan) and "Women who loves too much" (must check the writer again), but this book claims to offer "a practical approach to using the natural healing power of self-acceptance and personal integrity to restore a sense of confidence and self-esteem." What say you, Sister Bridget? Menezes, that is, not Jones. Adois, amigos.